What holds someone back from revealing they have cancer?
For some people, receiving a cancer diagnosis is not something they want to broadcast, even to their closest loved ones. They choose to face their cancer journey alone because they don’t want to be pitied. They also fear receiving a less than supportive reaction from family and friends. Sharing the news of your diagnosis is an exceptionally personal decision.
Why Antiqu’e chose not to talk about her cancer
Antiqu’e was reluctant to share her cancer diagnosis, as she was still coming to terms with her illness
Antiqu’e is a singer, song writer and spoken word artist, who was diagnosed in April 2021 with Stage 2B Classical Hodgkin’s Lymphoma (a rare blood cancer). She has undergone intensive therapy treatments, including chemotherapy and immunotherapy, as well as a stem cell harvest and transplant in April 2023. Now in her fourth year of recovery, Antiqu’e found it hard dealing with other people’s emotional responses to her diagnosis.
“Due to lockdown I learnt about my cancer diagnosis via a letter, rather than going to hospital and having a consultant explain things face-to-face. So I was alone when I received the news, which came as quite a shock. Because of lockdown I had to go to appointments by myself and the whole process was riddled with anxiety.”
For the first six months, Antiqu’e chose not disclose her diagnosis to the people in her immediate circle. Eventually, however, she did talk about her cancer, having realised that she couldn’t manage three years of treatment alone.
“Initially I told my mum, my brother, my best friend and his mum a few weeks before I started my treatment. This is because I didn’t even know if I was going to go through with the treatment (I initially refused to have treatment). It was all just too much at the time.
“The only reason I told my mother is because my clinical nurse kept encouraging me to tell someone. She warned me that the treatments would have quite an impact and that I shouldn’t try and do it alone.
Antiqu’e wasn’t sure how people like her son would react to the news of her cancer
“It was also really hard knowing how to tell my son. I didn’t reveal my diagnosis to him until about seven months into my treatment.
“I decided not to inform people about the cancer because I was having such extreme anxiety around the diagnosis, the investigations and all the different things that were happening really, really quickly. I didn’t have time to process anything, and it was a weird time as it was all happening during lockdown.
“I couldn’t cope with everybody’s emotions when I didn’t even understand my own or have the time to process my feelings.
Making the decision to tell everyone was hard
Eventually, eight months after receiving encouraging results, Antiqu’e threw a big birthday party, invited everyone and told her guests about her diagnosis on that day, as she didn’t want to keep repeating her news (another triggering factor).
“When I did tell people, I noticed that as soon as I mentioned my diagnosis, people would say say: ‘oh my mum or my aunt or my cousin or my best friend or someone I know passed away from cancer.’
“People tried to be sympathetic and understanding, but often they projected their own feelings onto me. I just couldn’t deal with their emotions or their negative vibes.
“I didn’t like being told that I was strong or that I needed to be strong.”
“I also didn’t like being told that I was strong or that I should be strong, as I didn’t want to be strong. Yet I had to be strong on all levels – mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual.
“It’s amazing how people start being doctors and scientists all of a sudden. They start telling you to cure yourself with seeds and herbs and sending you YouTube and Tik Tok videos.
“I know people are trying to help, but being inundated with stories, social posts and emotional reactions or being told about other people who have died from what you are going through, is not helpful and can trigger emotions.
“Depending on your own mental health and emotional wellbeing at the time, you can be thrust into a spiral of despair, doubt, anxiety and other overwhelming emotions, which are very hard to cope with.
Cancer Coach gave Antiqu’e the emotional support she needed
“I came across Cancer Coach a year before I participated, but due to a relapse, I didn’t end up attending, as I was finally at the end of my treatment programme and had just completed a StemCell transplant. At that time, I was dealing with many complications and was in hospital.
“I joined Cancer Coach because I was looking for ways to move forward after my hospital stay and during my recovery. I felt like I had lost my identity and was uncertain about the future. I wanted emotional support and a safe space to connect with others and explore my feelings.
“During the course, I moved to my mum’s house after being hospitalised for a mold lung infection. The group’s support was crucial during this difficult transition.
“The Cancer Coach and the group helped me navigate each topic and think about how to support myself during recovery and while staying at my mum’s house. The coach was very good, and I felt comfortable expressing my needs. This support was essential in helping me plan for the future and to set goals.
“Cancer Coach helped me advocate for myself and manage my health during a challenging period. It helped me deal with my anxiety about the future and in the present moment, providing crucial support during a difficult time in my life.
“Classical Hodgkin’s Lymphoma can be very tricky to treat, yet is very treatable, we got there in the end, but all I wanted was positivity, inspiration and support to help me get through my cancer journey.
“Having the support from Cancer Coach was hugely beneficial during an emotionally challenging period of my life.”
If you would like to join Cancer Coach please contact the Cancer Coach team: cancercoach@cancersupportuk.org or complete the Cancer Coach application form.
